Stay Wild
Things I Wish I Knew as a Kid
Being Wild is a Good Thing
My favorite childhood book was, Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak. I loved the sense of adventure and possibility, the creativity and imagination Max used to discover a new world but also the safety and comfort of a warm home awaiting him.
Over the years, my interpretation of wild has changed tremendously. In my teens and twenties, I thought it meant being an outlaw, doing the opposite of what others expected just for the sake of it. So after being raised in an extremely religious household, my parents got a divorce when I was seventeen and boy, did I go wild. It was a time when I felt no one was paying much attention to me and I began to act out in self destructive ways.
At first, it felt like freedom. I cheated on my boyfriend, fought with my new stepmom, drove home drunk regularly and experimented with drugs. Honestly, I’m surprised I made it out alive because so many don’t. But that wasn’t freedom; it was loss. Loss of pride, loss of compassion, loss of self.
Personal Growth
During an enlightening relationship in my mid-twenties, I was encouraged to attend a seminar by Landmark Education. Which, say what you will, sounded like bullshit at the time but I was desperate. In their initial program called the Forum, I attended a three day 13-hour a day seminar covering sticky topics like truth, story telling, context, anxiety and possibility. For me, it was a new way of thinking and exactly what I needed.
This intense immersive experience gave me a new point of view, one that made me realize the little voice in my head wasn’t always right and in fact, it was usually wrong (you know, the one that tells you you’re too fat, too ugly, not smart enough or unloveable). The world was no longer black and white and the stories I created about myself were no longer true. Suddenly and unexpectedly, I was ready for change and a sense of freedom and possibility entered my life.
In the beginning, I faltered but eventually found my footing. Moving away from my family and friends gave me space for self discovery. I learned I no longer liked men (in a sexual way) and accepted I probably never had, tried on a new career in teaching, traveled the world, gained an education in design and began a new life. Ever since then, I’ve been moving toward that illusive thing. Toward a life that I love, one full of adventure and new experiences but also safety, security and a soft landing.
Judge Less, Question Everything
After discovering so much lives in the grey, I’ve worked hard to be less judgmental of myself and others (this one’s tough for me) and accept the decisions others make even if I don’t agree. In my heart, I believe everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. And worrying about what others think is a waste time. It’s not my job to make someone else feel comfortable or safe or to entertain or solve their problems, I can only help myself.
The best thing I can do is to lead by example and focus on myself. To question my feelings because emotions are fleeting and can’t be trusted all the time. To take that extra second to rethink the voice in my head, rather than react with anger or pain. Instinctually, we want to retreat when trouble arises but if we can just sit in that uncomfortable space for a minute, it usually clears instead of festering.
Say Yes, Take Risks
Being childlike, opening my heart and mind and being playful are some of the best ways I know how to stay wild. Saying yes. Saying yes to opportunities that scare me. Opening myself up to being vulnerable. It’s in that space where so much can be gained. People are smart and often intuitive and they deserve credit that we so often don’t allow. So if you think you’re fooling others, you’re probably not. Those who take the time, can see right through you.
Being wild means taking risks and trying to do so without being overcome by fear. Having the ability to make tough decisions and trust in myself and others is the ability to trust that I can handle things even if they go to shit. The struggles along the way are what make me so tough. They make me feel alive. It’s so easy to think, this is it, this is the best job I can get, this is the best relationship I deserve, this is all my body is capable of but none of these things are actually true.
Allow Others the Space to Grow & Be Free
A few years back I got a tattoo on my chest that says, Love Her but Leave Her Wild. It warms my heart every time I read it because it’s not only a reminder of what I deserve but also to allow those closest the same luxury. Respect, trust and space to grow have always been the most helpful ingredients for me to adapt and evolve. Also, I believe that we were always wild, born wild, and it’s our choice to stay that way.
Stay Wild, Girls (and Boys)
Staying wild doesn’t mean being reckless or hurting yourself or others. To me, it means having the confidence to know what’s best for me and really getting out there to make it happen. Letting go of my ego and judgements and questioning everything. Being curious and exploring the world around me. Having those hard conversations. Doing my best not to be afraid of looking stupid, getting hurt or lost. Taking those risks, being true to myself and feeling confident enough to allow others the same freedom will always bring a sense of that ever elusive wildness I crave.
