Lessons Learned
Another year older, another year wiser, they say. As I struggle to find the words to express my immense gratitude and love for the life I live, I’m left wondering what lessons I’ve learned over the past year, the ones I’ve known in my heart for some time now but have only just sunk in these last 12 months. And of course, the cumulative ones that have taken a lifetime to settle. No doubt, I’ve had struggles, losses, failures, as well as support and encouragement along the way, but today I feel deeply grounded and secure in my being. It’s no surprise the road to peace and balance has been a long and bumpy one. Growing up, I always felt invisible and misunderstood. If there were only some way to unleash the fire and passion growing inside my belly. Well, it’s safe to say, at the age of 42 I’m beginning to learn how to harness my power and my fire is burning brighter than ever.
“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames.”
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned this year is coming to an understanding and acceptance of myself. Why is it that I feel so deeply? How can I exist in the uncomfortable? How do I summon the courage to take risks? What’s the best way of expressing myself to others without causing hurt or pain? How do I foster love, community and friendship within my world? It’s taken decades to really understand these questions and gain insight to why I am who I am and how to work on those sticky spots that sometimes feel, just plain yucky.
As a Libra and a “protector” as described by my personality type, INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging), my primary mode of living is focused internally where I gather information through my intuition. My secondary mode is external, where I deal with things according to how I feel about them or how they fit within my personal value system.
I’m gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive. Artistic and creative, I live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. I place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in my outer world and constantly identify the best system for getting things done, often defining and redefining priorities in my life. I operate on a spontaneous intuitive basis, not knowing exactly why and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand.
I have uncanny insights into people and situations and get “feelings” about things that might not always make sense. At times, I’m judged for this and therefore am very protective of my inner self, sharing only what I feel safe to share. I am a deep and complex individual who is fairly private and difficult to understand, always holding back part of my true self for safe keeping.
I’m genuinely warm and those close to me hold a special place in my heart. I’m concerned for people’s feelings and try to be gentle to avoid hurting others, though believe speaking the truth is always best. I am incredibly sensitive to conflict and cannot tolerate it very well. Above all else, I trust my own instincts and intuitive capabilities which sometimes results in a stubbornness and tendency to ignore other opinions.
On the other hand, I’m a perfectionist who doubts I’m living up to my full potential. In that sense, I’m rarely at complete peace with myself, believing that there’s always something else I should be doing to improve myself or the world around me. I believe in constant growth and evolution and often don’t make time to revel in my accomplishments. I have a strong value system and live my life in accordance with what I feel is right. I don’t believe in compromising my ideals and though am gentle and easygoing in some ways, I have very high expectations for myself and those around me.
I am a nurturer. I’m patient, devoted and protective. I thrive in areas where I can be creative and somewhat independent and have a natural affinity for art and the sciences. This year, above all else, I’ve learned that though life is not always easy for someone who interprets the world as I do (after all, there’s only 1% of the population like me), I’m capable of great depth and personal achievement. And as I learn to accept myself for who I am, I begin to experience real growth and opportunity. So, as I finish my 42nd trip around the sun, I’ve come to learn some valuable lessons that help bring me peace and inner strength. In no particular order:
Take risks. Say yes to opportunities that scare you. Try something new. Challenge yourself.
Be active (body and mind). Develop your talents. Pick up a hobby.
Perform rituals of self-care regularly. Think, warm bath, massage or midday nap.
Treat yourself well. Speak to yourself kindly.
Never stop learning. Be curious and open to new ideas. Study something new.
It’s okay to say no. And you don’t need to explain why.
Surround yourself with people who fan your flames. Don’t let anyone put out your fire.
Honor your word. Don’t make excuses when you can’t. Apologize when you mess up.
Know yourself well enough to take on only as much as you can handle. Don’t over promise. Balance is key. Rest often.
Speak up and speak up for yourself (in a kind way). Ask for what you want. Ask for help.
Get a pet, any pet. Love and hug and kiss them.
Spend time in nature. Feel the sun on your skin. Admire the stars. Listen to the wind. Dip your toes in the ocean.
Honor and love your body, all of it. Take care of it. Move. Eat well and often. Sleep well. Drink lots of water.
Set healthy boundaries and stick to them. Be okay with losing those who don’t honor your boundaries.
Clean up after yourself.
Fall in love. Flirt. Hold hands. Kiss. Give and receive hugs.
Learn how to cook.
Feel your emotions. Cry. Laugh often.
Question everything. Most things live in the grey.
Discover your passions.
It’s okay to fail. Let yourself be vulnerable. That’s where growth lies.
Never grow up. Play often.
Show up for others when it matters.
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Allow others the space and time to grow and evolve. Change is good.
Slow down. Breathe. Listen. Look at people when they speak to you.
Travel. Explore. Wander aimlessly.
Don’t allow others to mistreat you or tell you who you are or what you’re capable of.
Open your heart and mind to those different than you. Stop and think before you speak.
Be kind and generous to those who deserve it. Tip well. Smile at strangers.
Less is more. Simplify. Reduce.
Spend time doing things that bring you joy.
Create community. Get involved. Check in on your friends and family.
Always bring snacks.
Don’t be too hard on yourself (or too easy).
Be on time. Be prepared.
Work hard. Celebrate your accomplishments.
Spend time with children; they have so much to teach us.
Find your truth and live it. Decide who you want to be. Create your life each day.
It doesn’t really matter what others think of you.
Create a home you’re proud of. Be tidy. Get organized.
Be direct. Be honest.
It’s not (really) about you (me).
Wait, we’ll have to save that one for next year.
Photo credit: Dana.darling
