Human as Fuck
Be You, Everyone Else is Taken
Being yourself isn’t always as easy as it sounds, especially for me. Not because I had it tough growing up because I didn’t. As the oldest and only girl of five, I was a daddy’s girl. I was spoiled; not in a brand name kind of way but I didn’t ever have to work for much. My vehicles were paid for. Spending money and new clothes were available. My parents worked very hard to provide. And we had nearly as much freedom as a kid could desire.
But as much as I’d love to say being spoiled was a fairy tale, I look back and see how it created a sense of entitlement within me. Things came easily and I thought I deserved everything I wanted. My views were black and white. I was right and everyone else was wrong. This security blanket kept me from taking risks knowing that my sheltered decisions wouldn’t challenge me and would keep me safe. I didn’t even go away to school so I could live at home in comfort, despite being accepted to multiple universities.
“Most people are other people, their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
Around the age of 26, I began to realize how limiting my viewpoint truly was. It sounds cliche but I was encouraged to attend a three-day seminar meant to redefine what’s possible for my life (think Tony Robbins style). Going in, I had no expectations but walked out a changed woman. For whatever reason, it was exactly the push I needed.
At the seminar I learned I didn’t have to be the person I thought I was supposed to be. I could be any kind of person I wanted. Each morning I could wake up and create Jessica. I could be stuck in my old ways or I could try something new. This was a huge revelation. Things didn't seem black and white anymore, there were so many shades of grey.
“Live life as though nobody is watching, and express yourself as though everyone is listening.”
Almost immediately, I gathered the courage to move across the country from Detroit to Salt Lake City and within three months I was once again packing my bags but this time it was across the world to South Korea. It was my turn to try my hand at teaching, a childhood dream that was never fully realized due to practicality.
My time in Korea teaching my little ones became a passion, never having worked harder at something in my life. While in Korea, my world slowly started to change in ways I had never imagined. I met a girl and began to question my perspective on love and human connection. Did I have it all wrong?
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Sometimes I wonder, if I hadn't gone to Korea or moved to Salt Lake or even gone to that seminar, where would I be? Would I be living a life that’s truly authentic? It’s likely I’d be stuck in my hometown married to a man wondering why I felt so unfulfilled.
Despite being spoiled as a kid, I was taught many valuable lessons. I was always trusted and given the freedom to make my own decisions. And thanks to my four brothers, I learned to be a pretty tough cookie. That freedom combined with a thick backbone and my newfound confidence finally gave me the strength and opportunity to be myself. And beginning to date women allowed me to shed all those annoying stereotypes of what a girl should be.
As I’ve consciously taken the time to choose who I want to be, so many things have opened up, the biggest of which are my perspective, resilience and open mindedness. Even physically, I’ve lost my long hair, push-up bras and high heels, and slowly began to cover myself in tattoos. Labels and expectations are a thing of the past and I feel a wild sense of freedom.
So, be human. Be you, everyone else is taken.
